Once You’re In, You’re In
My very first time inside Donovan was ten years ago, on Saturday, December 5th, 2015. Last week, I pulled out my 10-year-old journal and reread the entry from that day:
“I am filled with overflowing gratitude and deeply humbled by what I experienced today. … I also feel so small. Not in the ‘unworthy’ sense. But in the sense that this is so big, so important, so extraordinary, so universal, so majestic that I’m so small next to it. I’m humbled in front of the possibilities. … I saw in that chapel today several men that seem ready for the outside world; honestly, even better equipped than most folks on the outside. Their smiles and presence radiated love and freedom. I see in them my teachers because they seem to have found themselves, and in prison no less.”
I returned the next day – meeting, among others, a guy who had stabbed seven people during his incarceration in addition to those killed prior – and was hooked. If those who have committed some heinous crimes can become these human beings of love, free despite the barbed wire, then I wanted a part of this real, contagious and sacred transformation. And I wanted to share it with the world.
You know what came next: We organized TEDxDonovanCorrectional in 2017, 2018 and 2019. As we approached the first TEDx event, one organizing Core Team member wanted quadruple confirmation that we weren’t going to leave immediately after the event – a clear expression of past abandonment trauma.
Without realizing it at the time, my commitment to this man – and all who came after him – became the blueprint for our circles’ culture: once someone is in, they’re in; they’re never out. They may get transferred or released. They may even choose to no longer attend our weekly circles. But they’re still in. Like Keith, highlighted in last month’s newsletter.
This commitment has created something rare inside Donovan – and rare anywhere.
With unconditional commitment comes safety. With safety comes trust. And with trust, people are no longer participants and become stewards. With true co-ownership of the space, people devote years, even decades, to it.
And our circles’ stewards have.
Of the folks who have been admitted into our circles,
53 people attended weekly for over 12 consecutive months
32 attended weekly for over 2 consecutive years
13 attended weekly for over 3 consecutive years
5 attended weekly for over 5 consecutive years
Three folks have even attended for 75 consecutive months; that’s over 6 years!
Through this commitment, prison residents come to know that they belong, no matter what; that they are supported through thick and thin; that they are allowed to show up in their muck and receive the help to grow further into their brilliance.
What I didn’t fully grasp ten years ago is that this work isn’t really about programs, or circles, or even transformation. It’s about belonging. First in themselves and, from there, in the space.
Most of us don’t rise to our highest potential because we don’t feel safe enough to fail, to stumble, to show the parts of ourselves that still need care. We perform. We protect. We keep one foot out the door, just in case.
But when people know they are not disposable, not temporary, not conditional, something profound happens. They stop proving themselves and start becoming themselves.
You have a choice: Where in your life are you still keeping score instead of keeping faith? Where are you showing up conditionally – for others or for yourself? What might become possible if you decided, truly decided, that once someone is in… they’re in?