When You Finally Meet Yourself
I first met Keith on paper, through his application to our very first TEDx organizing Core Team. It was sparse, tentative, almost apologetic. And yet, between the lines, there was a spark. Something was aching to ignite. So, Keith joined our original TEDx Core Team in December 2016.
Quickly, I sensed that Keith was living at a fraction of his potential. I told him, “There’s a bright, powerful light within you. I can’t wait for the day you tap into it.” He couldn’t believe that then. Not yet.
At our first TEDx event, Keith was a strong Emcee…and yet, he held back his highest power and brilliance. He was a beautiful servant leader at our second TEDx event…and yet, still holding back. He hadn’t yet met himself — the man beneath the performance, the brilliance beneath the survival strategies.
He also held himself back when it was time to transfer to a lower-security yard, considered by many to be the most rewarding yard of the entire CDCR prison system. At first, he rejected the opportunity. Thankfully, he changed his mind at the last minute.
On that new yard, he explored other programs, stepped into opportunities, and kept doing the deep, unglamorous work of transformation.
Then, UC Irvine launched its bachelor’s degree in sociology at Donovan. Keith was accepted into the second cohort and graduated this past June 18th. In the graduation pamphlet, he wrote in his bio, “I not only obtained a bachelor’s degree. I found [Keith] in the process.”
Eight years in the making and the man had done it indeed!
Not just the degree, but the discovery of who he is. The degree was the container. The true achievement was his identity — realizing his worth beyond performance. From this knowing came confidence, worthiness, power, clarity, etc. It emerged when he learned to trust the person he already was.
This is the shift from performance to identity. From doing to being.
From “I hope I’m enough” to “I know who I am.”
When we operate from the first, we chase achievement and improvement but remain subtly imprisoned — always seeking the next proof. From the second, we uncover who we were all along, beneath the noise, expectations and self-limiting stories.
Recently, Keith went to his first Parole Board hearing. The week before, he admitted he was nervous. I reminded him: he now knows who he is. To trust this and think, speak and act from this grounded knowing.
And sure enough, the Parole Board saw his bright, powerful light. They found him suitable for release – on his first hearing! It wasn’t the polished answers or the completed programs. It was the quiet, powerful alignment of a man who now recognizes the strength, wisdom and brilliance that were there all along.
Now, in his final weeks inside, Keith has come full circle. He’s seeing the light in others, encouraging them to uncover it and helping them trust what is already within them.
You have a choice: You can chase the next title, degree or milestone, grasping for the feeling of being enough (and still miss the deeper discovery of who you are). Or, you can commit — as Keith did — to the slower, quieter, transformational work of becoming you. The kind that leads to true freedom, wherever you are. What would happen if you shifted from proving yourself to being yourself?
PS: I almost forgot to mention that, when I met Keith nine years ago, he was LWOP – with a sentence of Life WithOut the possibility of Parole. Over the years, as he’s grown to know himself and trust himself, the system has thankfully recognized that our society is not served by keeping him behind bars for the rest of his life.
Bonus insight – Seeing the Light in Others
I hear in this story another powerful insight worth highlighting.
When I first met Keith, he not only couldn’t see his brilliance, he rejected that what I saw could exist. And yet, I regularly reminded him of the bright, powerful light I saw in him. Over time, he opened himself up to the possibility. With more time and lots of love, he started seeing it too. With even more time, he started to trust it. And today, you can’t shake him off of it (because the Parole Board tried as it's their job to do).
This is what leadership looks like — holding up a mirror until someone recognizes their own light.