Last month, I had written the newsletter, selected the photo and added the gratitude piece.  I’d laid it all out in the system and had scheduled it for Tuesday morning – it was done and ready to go. I had even crossed it out on my to-do list.

And Monday evening, I felt the nudge: “Rewrite it.”  It wasn’t about changing the topic or that anything was wrong with it.  Simply, “rewrite it.”

Argh!  Why would I start over something that was done and good as it was?  It felt like a waste of time.  I wanted to keep it where it was, behind me.  I was supposed to be preparing dinner.  I’d already put a lot of time in the newsletter.  And my heart had poured into it.

And yet… “rewrite it.”

Knowing that this little voice deep inside was speaking my greater truth, I took a deep breath, pressed “mute” on all the parts of me wanting to move on, opened a blank Word document and started writing…again.

Yes, listening to and acting upon that little voice deep inside is simpler to write than to do.  It takes courage.  To start over something that is done, to go left when we believe we’re heading right.  It takes trust that it’s always guiding us towards our brighter light.  Even before these, it takes discernment to hear that little nudge amidst the commotion of our daily lives. 

In the whole scheme of things, rewriting a newsletter doesn’t feel like a big deal.  But how about when that little voice is throwing a wild curve ball to your life?  Like – and all of these are real people’s journeys – quit your 20+-year-long job out of the blue with nothing lined up.  Like, take the job at the antithesis of the criteria defined with your spouse.  Like, leave your spouse of three decades and the mother of your three kids.  Like, go to prison when you’re in a comfortable corporate job (yup, this one is mine).  Like, stay with someone who many people see as incompatible.

Are you willing to listen and take action then?  When everything in you is screaming to go the other way?

If you are – and you choose to walk through the door of the unknown – you will discover a version of yourself brighter than you ever knew possible.

In the space created by the job-quitter, she developed new relationships with her kids.  The journey of the antithesis job-taker led to the gifts he had hoped to enable for his wife, in the most unexpected way.  The divorcee uncovered a new drive and reconfigured his work, leading to a multiplication of revenue.  The “go-to-prison”-er created TEDx events that led to such transformational change on the yard that several new doors have opened to bring this work to new environments.  The incompatible couple found where they stand together and is wildly content and thriving.

You have a choice:  Listen to those nudges.  Act upon them.  Especially when they terrify you.  You’ll be mesmerized by what gets created in your life.  Even when it’s “only” deeply moving responses to a newly rewritten monthly newsletter.

PLUS: An update on Mitch

Last month, I wrote about Mitch freezing after saying only his name in communication class and the subsequent celebration of him having "reached a newfound public speaking ability."

As our team trickled in the following Tuesday (the one on which you received the newsletter), Jordi came into our room wildly excited.  “Mitch absolutely killed it yesterday in communication class.  He won the debate!  He worked hard on structuring his argument, looked confident and prepared, was able to anticipate a rebuttal and extinguished it before it happened, and blasted right through a conflict and tough spot.”  (I took notes to get this as verbatim as possible for you.)

Mitch had tapped into that “inner resourcefulness” part of him.  He said “I felt confident. It felt good to accomplish this. I enjoy growing in this positive way.”  I thought he had been beaming the previous week.  That second week, he achieved yet another level of beaming-ness.

Mitch is a wildly private man, fearful of expressing almost anything.  In our Donovan Tuesday Circle, he hides in his notebook in which he takes notes with his blue and red pens so that he doesn’t have to speak.

In his communication class last week, Mitch got up in front of the class to deliver a short, prepared speech.

He started: “Hi.  My name is Mitch.”

After that, nothing.  He froze.  He couldn’t speak another word; the structure given to him was gone; his mind was blank.

From here, I offer you two scenarios:

In the first, Jordi, feeling the pang of Mitch’s failure, swoops in and helps him.  Jordi goes on stage with Mitch, puts his arm around him and says “You’ve got this.  Now, present this next section of the structure.” With Jordi’s step-by-step guidance, Mitch completes the speech.

For the second, Mitch’s class members, including Jordi, silently hold space while Mitch tries to find his words.  In that space, Mitch recognizes that, by introducing himself in front of a crowd, he’s reached a newfound public speaking ability.

Which of these two scenarios depicts Mitch’s greatest success?

Most of us define Mitch completing his speech as success.  He delivered the assigned speech.  This outcome-focused definition of success is what drives us, like Jordi, to swoop in and save people who are struggling, hurting or failing.

And yet, the one failing is … us!  We fail to recognize that we labeled the observed inaction as failure and failure as bad and to be avoided.

We also fail to understand that, in the words of a client relating her own story, also last week: “It’s not at all about me helping them… it’s about me trying to alleviate my pain in watching this person.”

Plus, if Jordi had stepped in (because, in actuality, he didn’t, though he really wanted to), Mitch would have relied on Jordi instead of himself and been robbed of all the learnings, insights, confidence and gifts he actually gained.

In saying even only his name in front of his classmates, Mitch achieved something he had not been able to do before.  As he sat in the discomfort of the struggle, he learned to tap into his inner resourcefulness and speak in front of a crowd.  At the end of our conversation about this, Mitch beamed as he expressed the increased confidence he now has to engage with the next public speaking step.

This is unimaginable growth for a man who’s spent most of the last eight months in our Circle hiding inside his notebook. And this growth is his greatest success.

Invitation to bring this into your life: Next time you feel that someone is failing, take a deep breath, resist the urge to step in to save them and, instead, hold space for them to find their own inner resourcefulness; all they need is already within them.  Recognize what resisting the urge to help asks of you; yes, this is the invitation to your own growth.  Then, like Jordi, celebrate the person’s success in overcoming – whatever the outcome – as well as your own success in overcoming the urge.

Coddiwomple is my brand new, favorite word.  It means to travel purposefully towards an as-yet-unknown destination.  One word to describe the most powerful and fulfilling way to live life.

“Travel.” It implies movement, activity, a journey.  There is no stagnation.

“Purposefully.”  With complete clarity and confidence.  Deeply intentional and committed to our purpose, we receive the insight and power to move through any perceived obstacle.  Grounded and strong, we are no longer being tossed around by the whims of life, like a leaf caught in the wind.

“Towards.”  There is always a direction:  either towards or away.  We consciously and deliberately choose for it to be towards.

“As-yet-unknown destination.”  This one is stickier.  Let’s first acknowledge the fears this brings up.  I mean, we’ve been educated and rewarded to define goals, to know our destination, to measure our success compared to these.

How can we get “there” if we don’t know where “there” is?

And yet, the magic and power is thanks to the “as-yet-unknown destination,” not despite it.  The you of today can simply not think or imagine what is possible for the you of tomorrow.  

Think about it: Did the you of 10 years ago ever imagine that you’d be where you are today?  For most of us, the answer is a resounding “no.”  The 10-years-ago you had no frame for much of what you’re experiencing today.  It was beyond your understanding and level of consciousness.

Your destination may be “as-yet-unknown” to you; it’s not unknown to your brilliance.  Your brilliance came into the world to become.  It’s pulling you forward towards who you’re called to be, what you’re called to do, where you’re called live and work. Can you trust you get “there” more boldly, more powerfully, more quickly, more completely, more easefully when you don’t predefine where “there” is?

You have a choice: (1) to predetermine your destination from your level of understanding and awareness today or (2) to fully commit to your brilliance and deeply, purposefully travel towards it, while trusting that it will guide you to an unimaginably transformative destination.

Brilliance Inside is expanding and I’m excited to share this with you.

A while back, Pete asked me: “When are people outside prison going to know the Mariette that the folks inside prison get to experience?”

We all, at times, need a gentle nudge to encourage us on our journey to brilliance.  Pete was inviting me to move into yet a higher, expanded – and more visible – version of myself.  I recognized the alignment within myself and stepped into this expansion.

With this expansion of self has come an expansion of Brilliance Inside.

In addition to the prison work you know well, Brilliance Inside has been bringing the transformational journey to brilliance to team leaders, entrepreneurs, retirees, empty nesters, moms, etc.

At its core, this expanded Brilliance Inside stays the same.  In all that I do, I stand for liberating our individual and collective brilliance – our essence, our spirit, our highest potential – so that we may (1) align with our purpose and have the greatest impact on our world and (2) move from incongruence and conflict to co-creation and harmony.

Over the past two years, I have mentored individuals to gain the clarity and confidence to finally create their hearts’ desires for work, home and life.  Successes such as the launch of a post-retirement nonprofit project, increased cohesion and collaboration on a work team and a new-found identity through divorce.

Typically, my clients struggle finding the way to bring their deep, burning desire to fruition without destroying the balance, relationships and existing success in their lives.  I guide them to resolve the tension between these seemingly opposing forces so they can have their greatest impact, in complete harmony with themselves and everyone around them.

This has always been what Brilliance Inside is all about.

When it comes to the prison work, nothing changes!

Donovan remains my laboratory for transformation, humanity and peace.  Every Tuesday, I spend eight hours inside Donovan, guiding our team members through our 9-month Brilliance curriculum on two different yards.  This curriculum creates a safe space to explore our brilliance and to journey through the seven ingredients of its liberation and expression.  The teams have also chosen to organize events, such as last November’s Ukraine support event.

Sharing this new development with you feels vulnerable and exciting all at once.  You have been incredibly loyal supporters for years.  I hope we continue to co-journey for many more years, as you continue to receive value through these monthly newsletters and if you ever choose to engage more deeply with your own journey of brilliance.  If it’s not obvious enough, nothing excites me more than this co-creation of brilliance.

Do you remember this guy?

Many of you will remember Billy.  You were there when he closed the first TEDxDonovanCorrectional event in May 2017.  Sweating bullets due to the intense heat we unexpectedly had that day, he delivered his TEDx talk “Rediscovering hope through self-forgiveness”.

What you may not know is that the talk you heard in person or online was only a fraction of his talk.  He unknowingly skipped about ¼ of it.  After speaking of his brother’s murder in retaliation for Billy’s actions and Billy’s subsequent murdering of Jimmy, he was supposed to speak about the accidental death of his beloved cousin Yohun.  The two of them were sitting on their grandmother’s porch and Billy was spinning a gun on his finger.  The gun went off and the bullet killed Yohun, who died in Billy’s arms.  With the death of both his brother and his cousin, the need – and challenge – of self-forgiveness became apparent.

Billy didn’t realize he had skipped the part about Yohun until after the TEDx event.  I wondered how he was going to respond to this.  With anger and shame for having missed this important part and “dishonoring” the memory of Yohun?  With understanding and acceptance that it happened exactly as it was meant to?  Seeing what didn’t happen or seeing what did?

It wasn’t until the following Tuesday that I had a chance to speak to him about it.  Billy came up to me and said “Mariette, I skipped the part about Yohun.”  “I know.  What did you feel when you realized this?” Billy answered: “This is Yohun’s way of saying ‘it’s time to let go.’”

Oh wow.  Not only had Billy accepted the fact that he hadn’t delivered the talk he had been preparing for four months, he also received the insight from this miss.  Billy had seen that there is a gift in our challenges.  When things don’t go our way, we have a choice to see the lack in what didn’t happen or to see the abundance in what did.

Shortly after his TEDx talk, Billy was transferred to another prison.  Which, per prison rules, cut off any contact with him.  This is one of the hardest things about prison: the ripping apart of relationships that have been built over months and years, often without forewarning or ability to say good-bye.

As suddenly as he’d “disappeared,” Billy “reappeared” a few weeks ago – almost six years after I last saw him – after a judge resentenced him to the 33 years of time served with no parole.  Within days of his release, I had the privilege of getting a message from him.  Then a phone call.  Then FaceTime.  

My heart skipped a beat when I saw him.  I walk this funky tight rope of continuously holding many of the folks from our circle in my heart, while simultaneously releasing if or when I may see them ever again.  Any time my heart aches to know how they’re doing, I send them love, trusting they’re supported, right where they’re at.

I even had my first hug with Billy within a week, as I had a trip planned to LA.  The first hug is one of my favorite parts of the journey.  I finally get to express, with physical action, the pent-up care and love of years of relationship.

Billy also learned in our conversations that his talk has been seen online by over 146,000 people.  With the hindsight of six years, it’s easy to see the gifts received and created by Billy.  Billy’s strength was to see the gift in his “failure” of his incomplete delivery of his TEDx talk.

Invitation to bring this into your life: Next time you find yourself reeling from your “failure,” from “missing the mark,” from “how could I be so stupid” or any other form of self-condemnation and blame, invite yourself to see the abundance in what did happen instead of the lack in what didn’t.  The gift is there, even if you cannot see it right away.  Yes, this may require a bit of trust, but that trust weighs a lot less than self-destruction.

A couple Fridays ago, I learned that an uncle had been killed by an intoxicated driver.  As I sat with the sadness that filled me, I felt a deeper sadness behind that for my uncle, his family and friends.

In addition to the pain of the unnecessary loss of an innocent (and wildly giving) life, I felt the heavy burden of the instantaneous increase in hurt in the world.  This one split-second act created a massive increase in pain and wounding, some of which may even be internalized as trauma by any number of people, close to or far from my uncle.

This saddens me.  Because, as stated in one of the greatest lessons I’ve received in prison: hurt people hurt people.  Any hurtful action today is the expression of an unhealed wound of yesterday.  This simple concept explains why the prison members of our team are in prison.  They committed their actions – sometimes quite horrendous ones – because they were acting out the unfathomable pain trapped inside, created by past pain, wounding and trauma.

So, if left unsupported and unhealed, the already-significant amount of hurt created through my uncle’s death has the potential to fester into future acts of hurt and pain.  This may not lead to criminal behavior, but it may lead to bitterness, resentment, anger, irritability, isolation, retaliation, etc.  And these can snowball, even years from now, into larger challenges and consequences… at home, at work, with our judicial system.  

It’s this cycle of violence I feel called to heal.
This is why I stand so strongly in healing our wounds and hurt.

I wish for all people who internalized pain and wounding around my uncle’s death to mourn the loss fully and then, if and when they choose, to gently and self-compassionately find their peace and healing.  It doesn’t change the circumstances of his death; it doesn’t change the gaping hole left in anyone’s life.  It does – in the right timing – surround that void with peace, love and celebration.

I know firsthand – not just that this is possible – but also the peace, joy and liberation that stems from this journey.  Some of you may remember the healing I experienced after my cousin’s murder several years ago.  Plus, I’m now blessed to conduct this work of alignment, connection and restoration weekly with folks inside – and outside – prison.  And I witness the healing within them.

I personally find that this restorative healing – and its subsequent peace, joy and freedom – to be such a stronger legacy for my uncle.  Particularly since (but not because) his dreams for retirement included creating spaces of support for the disenfranchised.

Invitation to bring this into your life: What legacy are you creating? Are you willing to join this journey of transforming pain into healing? Next time you hurt someone, take a moment to feel the hurt within you – without blame or condemnation – and then to transform that hurt into the healing you and everyone around you deserves.

“Dude, that guy is actually quite cool.”  This was said by Charlie, with his now usual twinkling eyes, in a closing circle this past month.  We end each of our 3-hour sessions together with a closing circle, a time of self-reflection, to capture our greatest insights and/or celebrations.

In this closing circle, Charlie had expressed gratitude for the fact that our space is so uncompromisingly focused on the uncovering, igniting and expression of brilliance.  In his reflection, he recognized how this constant commitment to brilliance invites him into a radically different way of being, which has changed the way he sees and interacts with others and his circumstances.

While once keeping others at a distance, Charlie says “I now see his light more than his faults.”

The other person didn’t change.  Charlie did.

When Charlie joined our circle, like so many, he was hiding, which he did so behind sunglasses and through a veil of marijuana.  In the loving, trust-filled space of our circle, Charlie chose to release the stories about whom the world had told him he was, to uncover the light he’d always carried within him and to start letting it shine through him.  Today, Charlie is a source of wisdom and grounding for our team.  He’s often the first to remind us of our values and our commitments.  “We’re about loving people,” he repeats.

This wasn’t meant to be a post about Charlie’s journey (though I’m glad that I also share this with you).  What moves me even more than Charlie’s choice and commitment to transform is the way he now radiates this way of being – this brilliance that was always within him – in his interactions and circumstances.

Charlie is now more deeply connected and aligned to his own brilliance.  It creates this deep rootedness in his own self-assurance.  Others’ thoughts, comments, stabs or criticisms no longer affect him or destabilize him like they once did.

Charlie now sees light in people before seeing their faults.  He recognizes that they, just like him, are doing the best they can.  This opens up the opportunity for collaboration and co-creation.  It truly is amazing when our “enemies” become collaborators.

Charlie no longer believes he can be taken down by circumstances; he trusts he can rise above them.  He embraces the growth opportunity in the challenges that cross his path (including being unwillingly and unknowingly transferred to another yard).

Charlie has an uncanny ability to stand for what he believes in – even when it means going against the grain – with more power than force, with more conviction than manipulation.

Very clear to all of us, Charlie is now more free, more peaceful, more joyful, more loving, more aligned, more anchored… As he continues to step more deeply into these, his authority, credibility and influence grow exponentially.

I humbly wish this for every single one of us. So, this month’s invitation to bring this into your life:

• How will you allow Charlie to inspire you to also see that "dude, that guy is actually quite cool"?

• What step will you take towards further uncovering, igniting and expressing your brilliance?